I’ve been planning for our wedding for almost a year now, and I’ve learned a few lessons along the way. One in particular, stands out to me. It’s been probably the hardest lesson to learn, but also the one I needed to learn most.
No one else cares about our wedding as much as I do… Not one single person.
I’ll admit it sucked just a little bit to get here, to this place, where I completely accept and understand the above. Don’t get me wrong, we have great family and friends. I think most people are genuinely happy for us, and wish us nothing but the best. But they don’t/can’t care about our wedding like I do.
At first, when we had just gotten engaged, everyone asked about the wedding… all the time. It was cool, kind of annoying but still an awesome feeling. It’s like everyone wants to know all of the details, and they’re soo interested in anything you want to tell them. But once that newly engaged glow starts to rub off, the interest fades. This is a natural occurrence, I think for us this has been perpetuated by our loooong engagement. It’s hard for anyone to be excited about something that’s not happening for 2 years.
People are sick of hearing me talk about the wedding; I can tell by the way their eyes glaze over if I start to talk about anything wedding related. To combat this, I’ve started making a conscious effort not to talk about the wedding. Then you’ll encounter the kind few who try and ask, ‘how’s the wedding planning coming along’ or my personal favorite ‘need any help?’ Both of these are trick questions, yes they’re asking but no, they really don’t care. Don’t be fooled by the trick questions, keep your answers short, concise, and quick. 99% of people, who ask, are just trying to be nice, don’t bore them with all the gory details.
Another trap you should not fall into is assuming that your bridal party cares. This is an easy trap to fall into, but I’m warning you don’t do it! Don’t get me wrong your bridal party probably loves you to pieces, and of course you’re their BFF but they still don’t/can’t care about your wedding as much as you think they do. Being a Bridesmaid/Groomsman is not easy- they’re trying to walk a fine line: if they are too opinionated, you’ll be mad because that’s annoying, but if they don’t have an opinion on anything then you’ll get upset because they ‘don’t care.’ It very easily has potential to be what I like to call a lose-lose situation. This is another lesson, I certainly have learned the hard way. Send a few emails, and see how the responses start out gung-ho and then slowly trickle off. Resist the urge to resend emails, and text your bridal party incessantly. Resist my fellow Brides! Let me remind you, as the Bride you also have a fine line to walk: if you’re too crazy then you’ll be labeled a bridezilla but if you’re too laid back then you’ll be unorganized. This is a tough situation to master, and only you know what’s right for you. Just take a deeeeep breath and remind yourself, It’s my wedding they don’t/can’t care about it as much as I do and keep on moving. Unless it’s mission critical, don’t follow up. They’ll get to it in their own time. Your wedding is not the center of anyone’s universe.
My absolute favorite people, in the WHOLE wide world are the ones who without prompting want to share their input on what you’re doing, and how wrong you’re doing it. From what I understand, this never stops- even after you get married (I’ve heard that this gets especially bad when it comes to starting a family– oh joy! Something to look forward to!) Let me tell you, I’ve been criticized for what seems like EVERYTHING. A few examples: having too long of an engagement, for having too big of a budget, for having too small of a budget, for planning an open bar, for planning a first look, blah, blah, blah and so on. Haters gonna hate. These people may want you to think they have your best interests at heart, but they really do not give a fuck. They just want to nitpick and criticize and be annoying. Ignore these people. Do not engage these people in wedding conversation at any cost. They definitely do not care about your wedding.
I have at most, 7 people I talk to semi regularly about the wedding [one is my mom, and only two of the others are in my bridal party] I try really, really, really hard to rotate through these 7 people about the wedding. I don’t want them to get annoyed… and let’s be real, once again I’m walking a very fine line here people, and I still have 13 months to go. Seriously, if I talked to people about the wedding as much as I think about it, they’d probably punch me in the face. Not even joking.
Ok, so maybe my post is exaggerated a teeeeeny bit. But seriously, there is some truth behind my attempts to poke fun at the situation. I think as brides we need to remember that our wedding is not (and should not) be the center of anyone’s universe. In all actuality, no one is going to care about your big day as much as you do and you should learn to live with it and not let it bother you. Want proof? Just think about all the weddings you’ve been to, or in. Can you name one you’ve cared as much about as your own? didn’t think so!
PS: If you really need someone to talk to about your wedding you can always blog about it 😉